It takes a Village

When I told my Mother that it takes a Village to raise a child, she scoffed. I can only assume that she took it personally, because she neither had the time to help me nor did she have her mother to help her raise my sister and I. The idea of the ‘Village’ does not mean that it is the responsibility of the women in the family to raise the child, it literally means, “It takes a Village to raise a child”. That includes people outside the family to help raise children; people of the community. I was very fortunate when my daughter was born to have such a community. 

When my husband and I bought our urban Toronto home, we picked a neighbourhood where there were lots of families and LOTS of babies. We found our Village! Sadly no one had told us that the water in East Toronto was spiked with fertility enhancers and as a result, everyone was pregnant. The homosexual families in the neighbourhood had children; the teenagers had children; even the un-neutered/spayed cats were multiplying at a rapid rate. *Note: I will touch on the cat mafia later on. This neighbourhood was perfect for us, but it got even better after our daughter was born. 

Five weeks after I had my daughter, I was antsy to get back to working out at the gym. I went to a class and met an acquaintance of mine, Michelle, who in previous months, had a baby girl of her own. We exchanged numbers and became fast friends. Michelle lives, literally, around the corner. We spent everyday of her maternity leave together; commiserating about our gassy babies, how much we hated being so tired, and how lovely but utterly and inconceivably useless our partners were (by no fault of their own). Michelle and I did everything together. Our daughters even attend the same daycare now. 

I used and still use my neighbours and friends for advice for child-rearing. The local toy store is a great place to meet other moms for opinions and advice. In this day and age, the internet has really helped gather people together for pooling advice and asking questions. Because this piece is about kicking it old-school (literally, how to raise children using techniques of the mid century so they come out as perfectly as our parents claim they turned out to be), I’m going to forgo the discussion about the mommy  forums and social sites that have fostered parenting styles. I prefer to kick it old school. 

I talk to moms and dads in the park, at the local cafes, toy stores, grocery stores, and of course, on my street. The people that I can connect with, and relate to most are those of the people of my neighbourhood (thanks Mr. Rogers). 

Because not every neighbourhood is as tightly knit as East Toronto, parenting groups (founded online or by neighbourhood flyers) are great places to meet with other parents. Everyone’s Village is out there. Raising children is isolating but it doesn’t have to be. 

Even though it takes a Village to raise a child, every Village has an idiot. Finding the idiot isn’t very difficult. I was pretty sleep deprived (like all parents in the first year) so I have made a handy-dandy checklist to help find the Village idiot:

1. This person knows everything and has an opinion on everything. Remember that every child is different. Yes, the sun shines out of your child’s ass too even if they aren’t potty trained by eighteen months or if they can’t form full sentences by two.
2.  This person is overly vocal about the beauty of becoming a parent. Anyone who admits to enjoying cleaning up poop that much is full of shit- literally.
3. This uses the phrase, “Well I never do [insert thing that you do for your child here] with my child because [insert arrogant and judgmental reason here]”. This person is clearly insecure and they want to project their insecurity onto you like a parenting succubis (Suck-u-bis). Don’t get brought down! A dignified 1950s parent would politely nod (think of nasty thoughts about throwing this person off a cliff), and make up an amazing excuse like, “I have to go. The lead paint I used to refinish my little one’s crib is now dry enough for me to put her/him down for a nap”. That will shut them up. 

Like the crazy person on the Subway, if you can’t find them after a quick glance, you’re it. Don’t be the Village idiot. You are going to need as much support as possible because being a parent isn’t easy. 

Having a Village is really useful for improving your day-to-day life as well. 

Michelle and I are both fitness instructors and we can EAT! Our partners are both large men who's heads grace the ceilings in our basements and can also EAT! Everyone needs to eat and most of us don’t have the time to prepare wholesome, home cooked meals. After the second World War, the convenience age was upon us. Microwaves, blenders, toasters, electric mixers were all nifty inventions that came become common household products well into the nineteen eighties. These inventions were supposed to make our lives easier and other than the occasional electric shock, fire, burns, and splattery mess, they did. 

It’s easy to say that planning and cooking meals over the weekend is the easiest way to make the week run smoother. It’s true, but it takes away from your weekend downtime. Here’s what a modern midcentury household would do: 

Everyone likes a good casserole. When people are sick or celebrating, you can bet that there will be a casserole. Casseroles are easy; buy ingredients, chop and cook, throw into a dish and bake at 350 for half an hour until warm; eat; Ta da!

Because you already have a Village, consider a meal share. Everyone in your tight-knit group makes one GIANT dish (enough to feed everyone in the group). For example, if you have five families of three, you need to make enough food for fifteen people; remember you are only making one dish. Cook your dish up on a Sunday and do your exchange with your four other families that evening. Now you have five different dinners, all homemade and ready for the week! Also, if you have made an exorbitant amount (like my Jewish heritage has always taught me to do), there will always be leftovers for lunches. You and your four other families have chopped your grocery bills, time, and aggravation into a short afternoon of cooking.  Even if you do an exchange with one other family, you have still saved time, money, and aggravation for two nights of the week. The Village prevails! Now there is more time for you to smoke menthol cigarettes and play mahjong while your children stick their fingers in electric sockets. (Just kidding).